
As I struggled through mid-terms this week, I came across this little graph of procrastination. I don't know about everyone else, but graph is dead-on with me. It was good for a little chuckle.

· Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
· Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
· Chuck Norris invented water.
· One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
· Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word,
· Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
So someone asked me who I thought was the hottest actress right now, and I had a hard time coming up with an answer. Most people say Jessica Alba, or Jessica Simpson, or Kate Hudson, or Paris Hilton, but I think all those girls are stupid. I have a hard time thinking a girl is attractive when I can't get over how incredibly dumb they are. (I don't think Kate Hudson is that dumb; I kinda like her.)· Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
· A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
· Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
· Chuck Norris doesn't believe in
· Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
· Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
· Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
· Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
· If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
· If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
· Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
· Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
· When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.


I love the Oscars. They are so fun! This year the fashion was bland and boring, but the movies were good and rewarding. Here are some good articles to catch up on the action:
This movie is so awkwardly funny. Andy Samberg does a great job playing the ridiculously weird stunt man, and "his crew" are a perfect match. I can watch the "punch dancing out my rage" scene over and over. If you need an awkward laugh, get this movie.
I thought this particular movie, Bowling for Columbine, was great. It was sensitive and never overly biased. Michael Moore never said anything directly about tighter gun control laws or that guns should be outlawed. He simply pointed out some major issues that result from guns in our country. He put a lot of important people in awkward positions, but he got results.
Charlton Heston, for example, looked horrible, and his ill-stated views about the right to bare arms were exploited by Moore. K-Mart on the other hand was surprisingly accommodating. Moore went out on limb (and a whim, it looked like) and took Columbine shot victim to a K-Mart convention. There he asked to speak with someone with authority to remove ammunition from K-Mart shelves. At first, K-Mart representatives pushed him aside, and did not give him, or the kids, the respect they deserved. Their proposal was very unorthodox, but not unreasonable. After a second trip to the convention (and this time with the media), K-Mart officially announced they would remove ammunition from their stores. Wow. Moore was even surprised.
What I really liked about the movie and Michael Moore was his honesty, good intentions and bipartisan experience. Moore was a member of NRA and had used guns his whole life, but he also could see the dangers and outcomes of gun usage in our country. This movie was a quest to find out why the people of the US are more violent with our guns than anyone else in the world. I know there are thousands of deaths all over the world from guns, especially at a time when we are at war with Iraq, but the deaths in the US I'm talking about are not war-related. They are domestic and completely unrelated to foreign influences.
