Chuck Norris Was Here

Chuck Norris: The Ultimate List Part VII (The Last One)

· Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

· Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets out of the way.

· It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

· Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

· Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.

· Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

· Chuck Norris once finished "The Song that Never Ends".

· Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

· The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

· Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris: The Ultimate List Part VI

· Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

· Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

· Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

· Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

· Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

· Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

· Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris: The Ultimate List Part VI

· Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

· Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

· Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

· On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

· Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

· Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

· Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris: The Ultimate List Part V

· Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

· Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

· Chuck Norris invented water.

· One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

· Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

· Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris: The Ultimate List Part IV

· Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

· A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

· Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

· Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

· Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

· Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

· Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Chuck Norris: The Ultimate List Part III

· Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

· If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

· If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

· Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

· Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

· When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris: The Ultimate List Part II

· To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

· There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

· The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

· Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

· It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

· Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris: The Ultimate List Part I

· Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

· Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

· Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

· Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

· Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

· Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

· Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

· Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.