· Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
· Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
· Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean .
· Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
· Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
· Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
· Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
· Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
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